Handfastings and Weddings

As a Wiccan Priestess, I am often asked about handfasting. The first thing everyone wants to know is – What is a handfasting and how is it different from a wedding? Essentially, a handfasting is a type of wedding during which the betrothed couple’s hands are tied together with cord, ribbon, cloth, or some other material that can be knotted and stay knotted. Historically, the couple had to stay physically bound until they could consummate the marriage. Nowadays, many couples forgo that tradition for several different reasons. DTTF and I did not keep our hands bound because we had the wedding and reception in a Unitarian Universalist church, then had to go to our apartment with my parents, and then had to drive all the way to his mom’s house for the “after-party.” We had neither the time nor privacy to stay bound until we could consummate the marriage! (I know – more information than you wanted to know, right?)

A handfasting can either be a spiritual wedding for a set amount of time, after which the couple may decide whether or not to stay handfasted and make it legal, or it can be both spiritual and legal at the same time, like mine was. One of the reasons for having a handfasting performed for a set amount of time is to help alleviate fears surrounding marriage and divorce, which is completely understandable when one sees how high divorce rates are in this country. A handparting is much cheaper than a legal divorce.

A couple can write their own ceremony or have the priest and/or priestess write it for them. I’m currently working with two different couples regarding their handfastings. One of the couples wants to just do the spiritual handfasting for a year and a day to make sure they really want to be married to each other since both have been married and divorced before and are afraid of that happening again. The other couple is planning to have a legal handfasting because they’re sure this is what they want.

One inquiry both couples asked was whether or not they should send out traditional invitations. My response to both of them was that it is up to them, just like it would be with a traditional wedding. Personally, I really like the photo invitations over at Wedding Needs. One of the brides-to-be takes very artistic photos, so I sent her here to take a look. They certainly are not cheap invitations, but if she is willing to spend the money, I’m sure she can come up with a photo that will make a very classy invitation.

Only 11 Days Until Yule

And 14 days until Christmas!

My husband and I both enjoy traditions, both the invention and the continuing practice. Since our religious holiday is Yule (or Winter Solstice) instead of Christmas, we had to decide how we intended to celebrate our religious holiday and the Christmas holiday and where gifts and Santa fit in to our traditions. We both intend to include the magic of Santa in our traditions.

The way we decided to work the holidays is Yule will be our spiritual holiday and we will each get to open one gift that night. All other gifts will be saved for Christmas morning to be opened with the family. Santa will deliver his gifts on Christmas Eve after everyone is asleep, so they will be opened Christmas morning as well.

Part of the reason we were struggling is because we know many people who only observe their religious holiday and none others. The problem we had with that is that all of our family observes Christmas, and we're the only ones who observe Yule. We will explain the origins of both Yule and Christmas to Tree Faerie when she's older, but she will get to observe both in a way. Plus, since the current Santa beliefs are based around him delivering all his presents in one night, we were trying to avoid a future debate on the reason Santa delivered toys to Rowan on a different night.

I'm happy with the final decision. Our spiritual practices are not lost in light of other Christmas traditions (such as Santa), yet Tree Faerie will not feel like the oddball for celebrating something completely different than everyone else. Plus this gives us an opportunity to introducing her to other religions and their practices, which I feel is especially important since we practice a minority religion.

Speaking of my minority religion... Several of you asked what Wicca is, and while I don't feel quite up to explaining it in a post today, my husband has done a pretty good job of explaining Paganism at Summerland Grove's website. This is the link to the information page, and there are additional links on the lower half of the sidebar that explain some of the common Sabbats (holidays), tools, and traditions. If you don't want to go check it out, I'm currently working on a post in my head to explain my beliefs, so stick around for a while.

And the countdown continues!

EDIT:

What The Holidays Mean to You

For you, the holidays are about emotional connections and bonds. You are happiest being around those you love. You celebrate the holidays in a minimalist style. You are likely to only give one great present and decorate your house with a few special items. During the holidays, you feel magical. You love all of the decorations and how happy people are. You like to sit back and take it all in. You think the holidays should be decadent and indulgent. You never mind gaining a few holiday pounds... it's worth it! Your best holiday memories are of childhood foods and traditions. You secretly still wish you believed in Santa Claus.

What Do the Holidays Mean to You?

What do you mean, "...wish you still believed..."? I DO still believe in Santa! If I didn't believe in Santa, he wouldn't still bring me presents!