Forever Remembered

The girl of yesteryear seems so far away from the woman I am now.

I awoke before my boyfriend left for work. After kissing him bye and seeing him off, I went back to bed. The TV was on, but I wasn't paying any attention - at least not when the broadcast first started. I wasn't a big fan of the news programs. The phone rang, and it was the temp service asking me to go to an interview the next day. I took down the information, excited at the possibility that this job may last longer than the last assignment they gave me. Money was money, though, and I had my fingers crossed.

Something about the news broadcast caught my attention. It could have been the broadcaster's tone of voice, or maybe it was the image of the burning building. I turned up the TV.

And watched as the other tower was hit.

For a few minutes I pondered the possibility that I was asleep and dreaming. The phone rang again.

"Are you watching this?" he said to me.

All I could think of to say was, "Is this for real?"

I don't remember the rest of the conversation, only I made sure to tell him I loved him just in case. I still do a lot of "just in case" things. At the time, though, I was 21, unemployed, and had just moved in with my boyfriend of 3 months in Memphis, TN. I was totally in love with him but very insecure and wounded from my last relationship. I was unsure about a lot of things in life, and the images on the TV only roused my insecurities even more.

I stayed glued to the TV the rest of the morning. It still seemed unreal. I followed the stories, investigations, rescues, and clean-up for a long time. I checked on the few friends I had in NYC. I mourned for those who lost loved ones. I prayed for them to have the means to find peace through their grief.

I went on the interview the next day and got the job. That job eventually let me to where I am now. I married the boyfriend, and now we have a beautiful baby girl who's growing faster than I can blink. The world moved on, and certain events were set into motion. And today I emailed a Marine to let him/her know that I appreciate they job they are doing.

If you'd like to email them, all it takes is 2 seconds. I literally typed two sentences and hit send. Here's the email that inspired me:

Send a Marine an E-Mail

"US Marine Colonel Simcock, the commander of USMC Regimental Combat Team 6 in Iraq, is asking for 6,000 positive emails to his Marines.

That's one email for each Marine in his RCT command. COL Simcock is concerned about the effect of the negative barrage that those Marines are getting through the electronic media. I've attached an excerpt from an interview with him. So far, they've only mustered 2,000 emails. That's a crying shame compared to the amount of crap I get daily in email.

"This is a legitimate request. It's not one of the "little Johnny wants to break the world's record in Christmas cards" situations. It takes only 30 seconds of your time. Here's the address:

RCT-6lettersfromh@gcemnf-wiraq.usmc.mil

"If you're reading this email, then you can probably click on the address, type a few words, and then hit "send" to be all done.It doesn't have to be the Gettysburg Address. Something as simple as "Hello, Marine. We thank you for what you're doing. You are in a noble task. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Best wishes & get home soon" is more than sufficient.

The Passing of Time

(imagine this sung to a Caribbean beat)
Happy Birthday! To me! *butt shake*
Happy Birthday! To me! *butt shake*
Happy Birthday! To me! *butt shake*
Happy Birthday! To me! *butt shake, butt shake, butt shake*

As of 1:15 PM EDT, I am 27 years old. 27. To my dear husband, who will be 38 on Sunday, I'm still a baby, but 27 is a big deal to me. That's only 3 years away from 30!

I've noticed my perceptions regarding different aspects of life have changed dramatically over the last few years. Time seems to move much quicker now. When thinking in terms of the future, a year doesn't seem so long, a month seems merely a breath away, and a week passes in a blink of the eye. I remember not too long ago it sometimes seemed that a week was nearly for-ev-er!

My perception of emotion is different now, too. I still have the same emotions, and while their strength has not changed, I now have more experience in dealing with my emotions, so they don't seem so grandiose. The example I use is when you're 6 years old, all the adults seem REALLY TALL, but once you're a teen, most of them don't seem so tall anymore. Well, when you're a teen, all your emotions seem REALLY BIG, and sometimes you just know you're not going to survive this one. But most of us do, and by the time 10 years have passed, we usually know we'll survive yet another broken heart or embarrassing moment. The emotions are still as strong, but they're not so overwhelming.

I've been asked several times this morning, "Do you feel any older?" My answer has been the same every time:

I don't feel any older than I did yesterday, but compared to ten years ago, or even a year ago, I definitely feel older. Thankfully I also feel a bit wiser.

Bounding, Binding, and Bonding

My friend from Upward Bound will not be coming to visit this weekend. This is the second time we've cancelled this little visit, but apparently it's just not in the stars yet. We talk through email all the time, but it would be nice to get some face time in.

She and I did some wild and crazy things when we were together. I've already mentioned the gluing quarters adventure. We also went skinny-dipping by The Belle, tried to get blown away by a tornado, and took a road trip to Raton, NM, to visit her cousins. I probably wouldn't have done any of those things if it hadn't been for her.

I remember when we first actually met face-to-face. It was the summer after our sophomore year in high school, and we were slotted to be roommates for the 6-week summer Upward Bound program. We had seen each other at least once a month for the past 10 months, but we never actually talked. In fact, when I was told the names of my roommates, I had no idea who they were, but I was one of the "lucky" people who had 2 roommates instead of just one.

When I was lugging my stuff up to the room, my roommates were nowhere to be seen. Their presence was only evident by the mounds of stuff already taking over two of the three beds. They had left me the bed by the door.

After my mom left and I was getting settled in, they came back up to the room. Introductions were made all around (BJ - my current friend, and BP - the other girl), and I found out they went to the same high school, so they already knew each other. Now, I'm a people person and normally very cheerful, and when I get nervous, I tend to rattle. I was really trying not to rattle at them, but they kept exchanging looks that were hard for me to decipher, so I became even more nervous.

The time came for the welcoming barbecue (can you tell I grew up in the south?), and as we were heading down the stairs, BJ asked me, "Aren't you a cheerleader?" I laughed and told her, "No WAY*! What in the world would give you that impression?"

"You're just so peppy and cheerful, we just figured you were a cheerleader," she said. I think she and BP actually relaxed a bit after that, because we actually held a real converstation for the first time on the walk to the barbecue.

From that moment on, BJ and I developed a great friendship. For a few years after I left for college, we didn't talk much, but I found her on MySpace, and we've been talking ever since. Of course, we've been talking through regular email because I'm rarely on MySpace. BP and I didn't develop a close relationship, though we did have fun hanging out.

*No offense meant to any cheerleaders, but I was a band geek and didn't want to be a cheerleader.

Family Ties that Bind and Sometimes Bunch

Last night, Tree Faerie slept like normal. I think she fussed around 11, but all I had to do was pick her up and rock her for a few minutes and she was back out. I didn't even fully wake up. The next time she woke up was after 4, and she just wanted a snack, then she woke up at 6:30 as happy as a bug in a rug. She woke me up by saying "Hey" in her own special way. I guess I use the word hey a lot, because she says it EXACTLY like I do. So, things are better in that regard today, but it seems to vary day-to-day. I FEEL better, anyway. At least, I'm not as grumpy.

As soon as I finish the fashion panel (which won't take long once I actually get the chance to do it), I promise to post pictures of the mei tai carrier since several of you have asked. Here's the pattern I modified, in case you're interested. I only made minor modifications to the straps, but otherwise I followed the pattern pretty closely.

In other news, I talked to my oldest little sister last night for the first time in like 5 years or something crazy like that. I was just scrolling through my phone book and decided to call on a whim. I got her number from her mother several months ago, but her mother told me to text instead of call because my sister worked crazy hours. Well, I don't text. Period. So I called.

I actually have 2 sisters; both are half-sisters by my biological father and both are younger than I am (I'm the oldest of all my siblings). We didn't see a whole lot of each other growing up because my father was in the Air Force and was limited on his time off and such. I haven't seen my youngest little sister in about 14 years, and I haven't seen my oldest little sister in about 9 years.

I have their mother's contact information and occasionally email or call her to catch up on the girls, but I've admitted before that I'm really bad at keeping up with long-distance relationships of any kind. I don't talk to our father because I'm done with trying to build a relationship with someone I honestly don't like as a person. He doesn't try to contact me, either, so it's a pretty equal relationship. I did send him a Yule (Christmas) card this year, but I didn't get a response. Thankfully, I didn't expect to.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I wonder if he's still married to the last wife I knew he married. She was his 5th wife, I think. She may have been his 6th. Anyway, she finally birthed him a son, whom I have not even met yet. I guess the boy would be about 6 years old now. I'd like to meet him someday.

To get back on track - I talked to my oldest little sister last night, and I must say, it's almost like talking to myself. We have almost identical voices and tonal inflections. We even use some of the same phrases. We're both Wiccan, and I discovered last night that we're both tattooed and pierced (the only ones I have left are the ones in my ears). We grew up in entirely different worlds, yet we're a lot alike. We even look almost identical and always have. One of my mother's favorite stories about that is when my father got back from Desert Storm, he brought my sisters up to visit me, and my sister was sitting in my chair facing partially away from my mom, and she really thought it was me and kept trying to get my attention. Only when Mom walked over to my sister did she realize her mistake. I still find that funny, especially since my sister is not her daughter.

We hung up last night with her promising to call in the next few days to exchange email addresses. I guess if I haven't heard from her after a week, I'll try again. It would be nice to reconnect.

It's Raining, It's Pouring...

The old man is snoring!

Fell out of bed

And bumped his head

And couldn’t get up in the morning!

A morbid little song, isn’t it? We’ve been having torrential rain here this morning. I just stepped out the back door at work to breathe in the moist air and get away from my desk for a moment. While I was standing there smelling, watching, and hearing the rain pound the parking lot and spew from the gutters, I had a very distinct memory slam me so hard it made my heart ache for simpler times.

My parents (my mother and step-father) got together in November of ’92. From then until I left for college in ’98, we lived in a house on the Little Missouri River every summer. I know my mother would have gladly lived there year round if the bus had been able to pick us up during the winter, but since the sloughs (pronounced sloos and are kind of like marshes) would fill up and cover the road whenever the river rose, and since the river stayed high most of the winter, that was impossible. And though there were times I hated being so far from civilization, I must admit I had a wonderful time during those summers.

The memory inspired by today’s rain is of me sitting on the covered part of the back porch in an old metal spring chair. I was curled up with a huge, hardback, Stephen King book. I don’t remember which one because I read so many of them (we made weekly trips to the library, and between my mother and me, we could check out 10 books and usually read all 10 before the next trip into town). The rain was pouring so hard I could barely see the outline of the bend in the river 150 yards away. I was wearing a tank top and shorts, and my hair was still wet from swimming before the rain. The rain smelled wonderfully fresh, the book smelled comforting, and everything was right in the world in that moment.

I miss those times. I have a lot of little snippets of my little utopia, and I don’t visit those snippets often enough. Things that seemed major back then now seem so minor. Now, things that would have been a Big Deal then are now simply a part of every day life. I sometimes wish I could go back to my Age of Innocence, back to a time before having a full time job, a car payment, and a mortgage. Back to a time where my biggest responsibility was washing the dishes or hanging out laundry. I think I’d like to take my husband and child back with me though, because that would make my utopia even better. I’d also like to take the knowledge I have now so that I can truly appreciate and enjoy those times, not take them for granted like I did then.