Thursday, July 31, 2008

The Figurine Has Been Shattered

From  illusion – an erroneous perception of reality.

Because of my romantic ideals, I am prone to creating illusions regarding any and all relationships I build, especially when the other person or people feed into that illusion and ideal.  Reality always manages to find a way to shatter that illusion into a million tiny pieces, much like a crystal figurine meeting a concrete floor.  When I am the only one feeding the illusion, it is usually short-lived.  However, when the illusion is created and upheld between two people, that illusion can last for years.

…At least until reality worms its way in.

One of my most precious illusions has been in the process of falling to the floor, although I couldn't tell which figurine was falling until it finally shattered.  When it shattered, I wept even though I know that it is better to be without that illusion than to be dependent upon it.  This was the catalyst for my research on needs.  It turns out that I need my husband much less than I thought I did.  I still want him, and he's still here.  I mourned for the loss of the illusion because my realization means that he doesn't need me as much as I thought he did.

I now realize that wants are much more important in that regard.  I want to share my life with him, and he wants to share his life with me.  This is healthy.  This is good.  This is constructive.

This is real.


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