Last night we met some friends for dinner at my favorite Mexican restaurant, El Mezcal, to celebrate two birthdays - one 27 year-old (me) and one 21 year-old (T). I had one margarita, and I must say that since my drinking has been severely limited over the past year and a half, I've become a severe lightweight! Not that I was ever a 'heavyweight' to begin with, but after not drinking at all for 9 months, then only having a rare occasional drink since then, I notice the effects of alcohol really easily. Thankfully because my metabolism is a bit boosted right now from breastfeeding, the effects go away quickly as well. I'm just glad I didn't do anything embarrassing...
DTTF got me a 2 GB memory card for my camera. That's right. 2 GB. I popped it in my camera last night and squealed with delight when it came up saying I could take 2,128 photos! Over 2,000 photos! ON ONE CARD! I'm going to have to invest in rechargeable batteries...
He also got me the first season of Heroes on DVD. I kept catching every other episode or something, and then I'd catch the same episodes over and over again on re-runs, but I really WANTED to watch the show! So, now I can! At my leisure! Which means I can start watching an episode, and when Tree Faerie demands my attention, I can pause it. And rewind it. And fast-forward it. I'm in heaven!
My birthday was a very pleasant one right up until about 11PM. I was already in bed fast asleep when Tree Faerie once again just started screaming. I have no idea what was wrong, but I finally had to fully wake her up to get her to calm down. Once she woke up fully, she was fine. We talked and snuggled for a few minutes, then we rocked for a while until she went back to sleep. She was fine after that. Before I laid her back down, I imagined a white cocoon surrounding her and whispered the description to her, which is something I used to do myself when I'd have nightmares. I used to have a lot of recurring nightmares, most of which I can still remember in vivid detail today. I'm really starting to think these are night terrors, not separation anxiety. The way she screams really just tears my heart out. I don't know what to do except to make her as comfortable as possible and let her know I'm here and I love her.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Thursday, August 30, 2007
The Passing of Time
(imagine this sung to a Caribbean beat)
Happy Birthday! To me! *butt shake*
Happy Birthday! To me! *butt shake*
Happy Birthday! To me! *butt shake*
Happy Birthday! To me! *butt shake, butt shake, butt shake*
As of 1:15 PM EDT, I am 27 years old. 27. To my dear husband, who will be 38 on Sunday, I'm still a baby, but 27 is a big deal to me. That's only 3 years away from 30!
I've noticed my perceptions regarding different aspects of life have changed dramatically over the last few years. Time seems to move much quicker now. When thinking in terms of the future, a year doesn't seem so long, a month seems merely a breath away, and a week passes in a blink of the eye. I remember not too long ago it sometimes seemed that a week was nearly for-ev-er!
My perception of emotion is different now, too. I still have the same emotions, and while their strength has not changed, I now have more experience in dealing with my emotions, so they don't seem so grandiose. The example I use is when you're 6 years old, all the adults seem REALLY TALL, but once you're a teen, most of them don't seem so tall anymore. Well, when you're a teen, all your emotions seem REALLY BIG, and sometimes you just know you're not going to survive this one. But most of us do, and by the time 10 years have passed, we usually know we'll survive yet another broken heart or embarrassing moment. The emotions are still as strong, but they're not so overwhelming.
I've been asked several times this morning, "Do you feel any older?" My answer has been the same every time:
I don't feel any older than I did yesterday, but compared to ten years ago, or even a year ago, I definitely feel older. Thankfully I also feel a bit wiser.
Happy Birthday! To me! *butt shake*
Happy Birthday! To me! *butt shake*
Happy Birthday! To me! *butt shake*
Happy Birthday! To me! *butt shake, butt shake, butt shake*
As of 1:15 PM EDT, I am 27 years old. 27. To my dear husband, who will be 38 on Sunday, I'm still a baby, but 27 is a big deal to me. That's only 3 years away from 30!
I've noticed my perceptions regarding different aspects of life have changed dramatically over the last few years. Time seems to move much quicker now. When thinking in terms of the future, a year doesn't seem so long, a month seems merely a breath away, and a week passes in a blink of the eye. I remember not too long ago it sometimes seemed that a week was nearly for-ev-er!
My perception of emotion is different now, too. I still have the same emotions, and while their strength has not changed, I now have more experience in dealing with my emotions, so they don't seem so grandiose. The example I use is when you're 6 years old, all the adults seem REALLY TALL, but once you're a teen, most of them don't seem so tall anymore. Well, when you're a teen, all your emotions seem REALLY BIG, and sometimes you just know you're not going to survive this one. But most of us do, and by the time 10 years have passed, we usually know we'll survive yet another broken heart or embarrassing moment. The emotions are still as strong, but they're not so overwhelming.
I've been asked several times this morning, "Do you feel any older?" My answer has been the same every time:
I don't feel any older than I did yesterday, but compared to ten years ago, or even a year ago, I definitely feel older. Thankfully I also feel a bit wiser.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
The Sanctity of Marriage
On my way to work this morning, I heard a commercial by a Catholic marriage group that asked, "What have you done for your marriage today?" The commercial was pointing out that the little things you do for each other in the marriage count just as much if not more than the big things.
I fully agree. DTTF is my second husband. The first marriage ended for many reasons that I won't go into today, though some of those reasons were caused by those little things. With DTTF, I try to make sure he knows daily how much I appreciate him. It takes a conscious effort, but because our relationship is so important to me, it's definitely worth the time and effort.
I try to spice things up a bit by telling him in different ways how much I love and appreciate him, though some things are also routine. I ALWAYS kiss him goodbye in the morning, just in case that's the last time I see him (we'll go into my mortality and morbidity issues another time). I always try to remember to kiss him when I first see him in the evening, though there are days when we're both running so fast that we forget. As soon as we remember, we make sure to share that moment. Sometimes I just make him stop and I give him a huge hug. Sometimes I rub his feet. Sometimes I send him an email for no reason other than to tell him how wonderful he is.
He reciprocates the attention, so it's not just one-sided. He does little things for me to let me know how much he loves and appreciates me, as well. All the things listed above work for me, but he'll also suggest Mexican for dinner sometimes because he knows just how much I love El Mezcal, the local Mexican restaurant we frequent. Recently he's started occasionally taking care of Tree Faerie for an hour or so after her first nap on the weekends, during which time I get a nap. That is one of the greatest things he could do for me right now. He's not the type to buy flowers, but he gets me other things, like books, movies, music, shirts, video games, and other things that he knows I'll love.
By showing each other on a regular basis how we feel, we keep our relationship fresh and whole. We make sure to take time out to talk on a regular basis. We can tell if we've gone too long without sitting down and talking because our schedules will start to veer from each other. This is also his second marriage, so we're both trying to keep ourselves from repeating history. So far it's working beautifully. I love DTTF more than I thought was possible, and that love keeps growing more and more every day, even after 6 years. I'm looking forward to spending many, many more years with him by my side.
*****
Switching gears... Tree Faerie slept last night, too, only waking at 3 and 5 before waking for good just before 7. There was no screaming. I did a bit of research yesterday after posting, and it is very possible that it is a form of separation anxiety, but it could also be night terrors. Treating it as separation anxiety, I'm combining several of the suggestions I read yesterday. One suggestion was to make sure to spend plenty of snuggle/cuddle/affection time together between picking her up from daycare and bedtime. Another suggestion was to help her develop an attachment to a snuggly, or to help her find comfort in other things.
Last night was DTTF's first night of classes, so it was just the two of us. We had dinner and nursing and playtime galore. Lots of snuggles, kisses, and giggles were shared. We had a bath then started our bedtime routine. Just as we got to the point of turning out lights, DTTF got home, so we stayed up a little longer to give them some play time. 20 minutes or so later, she was expressing her desire to go to bed. While I was nursing her down, we snuggled with a flannel receiving blanket, and when I put her in bed, the blanket went with her. She slept with it all night long.
I got the idea to use the receiving blanket because I send one with her to daycare every day that has my scent on it because she's breastfed. If they don't hold the blanket while feeding her, she just doesn't take her bottles well. When they lay her down for a nap, she snuggles that same blanket. When she's at home, we have several of these blankets in use for playing and snuggling and such, so I just used the one that was already in her bed. I usually keep it in the corner of the bed and cover her with it if it's chilly. She plays with it when she wakes up, and the night before last, she fidgeted and wiggled around until she was on the blanket.
The other great thing about using several different blankets is that I should ALWAYS be able to have one handy. I've got my fingers crossed that this works out, and hopefully it's not actually night terrors.
I fully agree. DTTF is my second husband. The first marriage ended for many reasons that I won't go into today, though some of those reasons were caused by those little things. With DTTF, I try to make sure he knows daily how much I appreciate him. It takes a conscious effort, but because our relationship is so important to me, it's definitely worth the time and effort.
I try to spice things up a bit by telling him in different ways how much I love and appreciate him, though some things are also routine. I ALWAYS kiss him goodbye in the morning, just in case that's the last time I see him (we'll go into my mortality and morbidity issues another time). I always try to remember to kiss him when I first see him in the evening, though there are days when we're both running so fast that we forget. As soon as we remember, we make sure to share that moment. Sometimes I just make him stop and I give him a huge hug. Sometimes I rub his feet. Sometimes I send him an email for no reason other than to tell him how wonderful he is.
He reciprocates the attention, so it's not just one-sided. He does little things for me to let me know how much he loves and appreciates me, as well. All the things listed above work for me, but he'll also suggest Mexican for dinner sometimes because he knows just how much I love El Mezcal, the local Mexican restaurant we frequent. Recently he's started occasionally taking care of Tree Faerie for an hour or so after her first nap on the weekends, during which time I get a nap. That is one of the greatest things he could do for me right now. He's not the type to buy flowers, but he gets me other things, like books, movies, music, shirts, video games, and other things that he knows I'll love.
By showing each other on a regular basis how we feel, we keep our relationship fresh and whole. We make sure to take time out to talk on a regular basis. We can tell if we've gone too long without sitting down and talking because our schedules will start to veer from each other. This is also his second marriage, so we're both trying to keep ourselves from repeating history. So far it's working beautifully. I love DTTF more than I thought was possible, and that love keeps growing more and more every day, even after 6 years. I'm looking forward to spending many, many more years with him by my side.
*****
Switching gears... Tree Faerie slept last night, too, only waking at 3 and 5 before waking for good just before 7. There was no screaming. I did a bit of research yesterday after posting, and it is very possible that it is a form of separation anxiety, but it could also be night terrors. Treating it as separation anxiety, I'm combining several of the suggestions I read yesterday. One suggestion was to make sure to spend plenty of snuggle/cuddle/affection time together between picking her up from daycare and bedtime. Another suggestion was to help her develop an attachment to a snuggly, or to help her find comfort in other things.
Last night was DTTF's first night of classes, so it was just the two of us. We had dinner and nursing and playtime galore. Lots of snuggles, kisses, and giggles were shared. We had a bath then started our bedtime routine. Just as we got to the point of turning out lights, DTTF got home, so we stayed up a little longer to give them some play time. 20 minutes or so later, she was expressing her desire to go to bed. While I was nursing her down, we snuggled with a flannel receiving blanket, and when I put her in bed, the blanket went with her. She slept with it all night long.
I got the idea to use the receiving blanket because I send one with her to daycare every day that has my scent on it because she's breastfed. If they don't hold the blanket while feeding her, she just doesn't take her bottles well. When they lay her down for a nap, she snuggles that same blanket. When she's at home, we have several of these blankets in use for playing and snuggling and such, so I just used the one that was already in her bed. I usually keep it in the corner of the bed and cover her with it if it's chilly. She plays with it when she wakes up, and the night before last, she fidgeted and wiggled around until she was on the blanket.
The other great thing about using several different blankets is that I should ALWAYS be able to have one handy. I've got my fingers crossed that this works out, and hopefully it's not actually night terrors.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Is it really only Tuesday?
This morning we had Tree Faerie's follow-up appointment for her ear infection. The good news is that it's completely gone. The bad news is that it's not the cause of her (or actually - my) lack of sleep. The doctor thinks it's separation anxiety. I'm not so sure.
The reason I'm not so sure is because Tree Faerie doesn't seem to be fully waking up during these screaming sessions, and she continues to scream even after I pick her up. Sometimes she'll go ahead and settle back down after a moment, but usually I have to nurse her, though sometimes she's not even interested in that. She flings her head back and arches her back when she screams. I keep thinking she's in pain, and I don't think it's just teething because it happens whether or not I give her teething tablets. She has yet to cut her first tooth, though.
Last night she actually slept. She had one of her screaming fits about 10:30 or so (she'd only been in bed for about 30 minutes), which DTTF tried to console her because I was in the bathroom at the time. I ended up nursing her again, and even then she was still fussing at first. Once I got her back asleep and in her bed, she slept until about 3:30 before waking up to nurse. She woke without screaming this time, though, and she was actually awake to nurse. Sleep came quickly, though, and we were soon back in bed. I didn't sleep very well because I'm so used to her waking often that I just didn't sleep very deeply. I would definitely call last night a good night.
Any help anyone has to offer, please, PLEASE feel free to throw advice my way. I'm listening.
The reason I'm not so sure is because Tree Faerie doesn't seem to be fully waking up during these screaming sessions, and she continues to scream even after I pick her up. Sometimes she'll go ahead and settle back down after a moment, but usually I have to nurse her, though sometimes she's not even interested in that. She flings her head back and arches her back when she screams. I keep thinking she's in pain, and I don't think it's just teething because it happens whether or not I give her teething tablets. She has yet to cut her first tooth, though.
Last night she actually slept. She had one of her screaming fits about 10:30 or so (she'd only been in bed for about 30 minutes), which DTTF tried to console her because I was in the bathroom at the time. I ended up nursing her again, and even then she was still fussing at first. Once I got her back asleep and in her bed, she slept until about 3:30 before waking up to nurse. She woke without screaming this time, though, and she was actually awake to nurse. Sleep came quickly, though, and we were soon back in bed. I didn't sleep very well because I'm so used to her waking often that I just didn't sleep very deeply. I would definitely call last night a good night.
Any help anyone has to offer, please, PLEASE feel free to throw advice my way. I'm listening.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Color of Life
This weekend had a lot of highlights and colorful moments. My friend KH came over and helped me finish painting Tree Faerie's bedroom, so now I just have to do a couple of touch-ups and hang the border before we can furnish it. Technically, she did most of the work. I wrangled Tree Faerie a lot. I greatly appreciate her hard work, though, otherwise it would have taken me forever to complete. I plan to move us all upstairs before the end of the year, so I need to get on the ball with finishing things up. Once I move us upstairs, Tree Faerie will be in her own room instead of ours. I think that separation will be harder on me than it is on her. I may not get much sleep for the first few weeks.
Granted, it's not like I'm getting much sleep NOW with her in the same room. Her follow-up appointment for her ear infection is tomorrow morning, and I'm not sure that it's gone. I didn't get to give her the last 3 doses of the antibiotic, though, because I threw it in the floor Friday night. It was a complete accident - I forgot I'd already shaken it and had the lid unscrewed but still on top of the bottle. I was talking to DTTF and picked up the bottle to shake it, and somehow it ended up in the floor, pink stuff everywhere. I even found a drop in the dining room! Needless to say, there was enough for that night's dose, but no more. Tree Faerie is still really fussy at night, though. She keeps waking up screaming, or at least she's waking me up by screaming. I don't think she's fully waking up.
Tree Faerie is clapping now. It's really cute to watch her. Last night DTTF was playing a clapping game with her where she was actually mimicing his claps. She stopped when he tried to show me, though. My little girl is famous for NOT doing things on command. She's very headstrong.
Blowing kisses is another new thing she's doing. She doesn't use her hand or anything, just makes the kissy-noises like DTTF and I do. Her kisses, even the blown ones, are categorized under The Sweetest Things in the World.
She's also pulling up on the furniture more and beginning to navigate the room that way. She doesn't go far, but she's doing very well. She even stood holding only my pinky finger for stability last night. I was amazed! I'm constantly amazed with this child, though.
DTTF thinks Tree Faerie is spoiled, which in a way I can agree, but I don't really see it as such a bad thing. I'm working on only picking her up when she's expressing a need, not a want, but the child is attached to me a lot. I always want to be able to provide her with the security she needs from me, though. I know she'll have to be secure within herself, too, but that feeling of security has to start somewhere. And I kind of like having her attached to me most of the time. The weekends are the only days I get to spend ALL day with her, and this weekend I didn't have her attached to me as much because we were painting and such. I feel like it was a bit incomplete, like something was missing. I didn't get enough snuggle time, I guess.
Apparently she did, though, because this morning when I dropped her off at daycare, she refused to give me a kiss. She didn't mind me kissing on her, and she even blew me a kiss before I left, but I didn't get any wet smooches like she usually gives me. Maybe she's saving them all for this afternoon.
Granted, it's not like I'm getting much sleep NOW with her in the same room. Her follow-up appointment for her ear infection is tomorrow morning, and I'm not sure that it's gone. I didn't get to give her the last 3 doses of the antibiotic, though, because I threw it in the floor Friday night. It was a complete accident - I forgot I'd already shaken it and had the lid unscrewed but still on top of the bottle. I was talking to DTTF and picked up the bottle to shake it, and somehow it ended up in the floor, pink stuff everywhere. I even found a drop in the dining room! Needless to say, there was enough for that night's dose, but no more. Tree Faerie is still really fussy at night, though. She keeps waking up screaming, or at least she's waking me up by screaming. I don't think she's fully waking up.
Tree Faerie is clapping now. It's really cute to watch her. Last night DTTF was playing a clapping game with her where she was actually mimicing his claps. She stopped when he tried to show me, though. My little girl is famous for NOT doing things on command. She's very headstrong.
Blowing kisses is another new thing she's doing. She doesn't use her hand or anything, just makes the kissy-noises like DTTF and I do. Her kisses, even the blown ones, are categorized under The Sweetest Things in the World.
She's also pulling up on the furniture more and beginning to navigate the room that way. She doesn't go far, but she's doing very well. She even stood holding only my pinky finger for stability last night. I was amazed! I'm constantly amazed with this child, though.
DTTF thinks Tree Faerie is spoiled, which in a way I can agree, but I don't really see it as such a bad thing. I'm working on only picking her up when she's expressing a need, not a want, but the child is attached to me a lot. I always want to be able to provide her with the security she needs from me, though. I know she'll have to be secure within herself, too, but that feeling of security has to start somewhere. And I kind of like having her attached to me most of the time. The weekends are the only days I get to spend ALL day with her, and this weekend I didn't have her attached to me as much because we were painting and such. I feel like it was a bit incomplete, like something was missing. I didn't get enough snuggle time, I guess.
Apparently she did, though, because this morning when I dropped her off at daycare, she refused to give me a kiss. She didn't mind me kissing on her, and she even blew me a kiss before I left, but I didn't get any wet smooches like she usually gives me. Maybe she's saving them all for this afternoon.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Fabulous Friday
I feel great today! I’m finally in my pair of pre-pregnancy khakis and look good! I’ve been able to put them on for about a month now, but they didn’t look good. Now they look good. These are my last pair of pre-pregnancy pants I had to fit into before allowing myself to go buy new clothes, because I simply was not going to buy anything bigger than my pre-pregnancy clothes. I need to go buy about 3 new shirts – a black, a red, and a white. I wouldn’t mind a new pink one, too, and maybe a new pair of pants (which would give me 4 pairs of work pants). I really want to stop wearing the maternity shirts, though, but right now I don’t have enough regular shirts that fit the breastfeeding chest to be able to do that. I also need to go through my clothes again and get rid of the things I don’t see me wearing anymore, which would be a lot at this point. My criteria – must be comfortable, unstained, and can fit me now, plus I have to WANT to wear it. That’s going to GREATLY reduce the amount of clothing I have.
*TMI warning on*
Tree Faerie woke me up at 5 this morning, and I've been awake ever since. She woke me up because her body is trying to re-learn how to have a BM. When she was exclusively on breast milk, her BMs were always loose. Now that she's eating a lot more solid foods, her BMs are considered "normal" but much, much thicker than she's ever experienced. I feel so sorry for her when she's having trouble with it. This morning, she just keep screaming at me occasionally like she was saying, "Mommy, fix it!" In between the screaming moments when she was actually awake, she'd give me kisses, which was really sweet but very confusing. I finally put her in her Bounce Bounce Baby chair. Her little face turned almost purple, but she finally went and wasn't screaming about it. I actually brought the chair into the bathroom with me while I took a shower. Usually she sits in a pink bouncy seat while I take a shower, but I received a bit of information yesterday from her daycare teacher about bounce chairs and babies' BMs, so I figured I'd give her time in the chair.
*TMI warning off*
Tomorrow morning, my sewing buddy KH is going to become my home improvement buddy. She's coming over tomorrow morning to help me finish painting Tree Faerie's room. I have all the stuff, but I just haven't had the time/energy/help/gumption to finish it. We did paint one coat of Kilz and one coat of paint when we first picked up the stuff to do her room, but that's as far as we got. I'm looking forward to getting it done, because I plan on having her moved into her room and us moved upstairs next to her before the year is out. We won't be working on it too late, though, because she and I both have other plans tomorrow evening.
I have not started actually writing the story, though I have a lot more worked out in my head. I just actually have to put it down in pixels.
*TMI warning on*
Tree Faerie woke me up at 5 this morning, and I've been awake ever since. She woke me up because her body is trying to re-learn how to have a BM. When she was exclusively on breast milk, her BMs were always loose. Now that she's eating a lot more solid foods, her BMs are considered "normal" but much, much thicker than she's ever experienced. I feel so sorry for her when she's having trouble with it. This morning, she just keep screaming at me occasionally like she was saying, "Mommy, fix it!" In between the screaming moments when she was actually awake, she'd give me kisses, which was really sweet but very confusing. I finally put her in her Bounce Bounce Baby chair. Her little face turned almost purple, but she finally went and wasn't screaming about it. I actually brought the chair into the bathroom with me while I took a shower. Usually she sits in a pink bouncy seat while I take a shower, but I received a bit of information yesterday from her daycare teacher about bounce chairs and babies' BMs, so I figured I'd give her time in the chair.
*TMI warning off*
Tomorrow morning, my sewing buddy KH is going to become my home improvement buddy. She's coming over tomorrow morning to help me finish painting Tree Faerie's room. I have all the stuff, but I just haven't had the time/energy/help/gumption to finish it. We did paint one coat of Kilz and one coat of paint when we first picked up the stuff to do her room, but that's as far as we got. I'm looking forward to getting it done, because I plan on having her moved into her room and us moved upstairs next to her before the year is out. We won't be working on it too late, though, because she and I both have other plans tomorrow evening.
I have not started actually writing the story, though I have a lot more worked out in my head. I just actually have to put it down in pixels.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Let's Talk Numbers For A Moment
Forgive me for a moment, but I work with numbers daily, and sometimes those numbers help me see things from a different perspective. :) Sorry. I'm a geek. Or a nerd. You pick.
I started this blog on 7/2/07. In that time, I've written 33 posts. Those 33 posts, including titles, come to 16,275 words (I copied them into Word and made it count them for me). That averages out to about 493 words per post. I'm impressed and surprised. It may just be that easy to write a book! Granted, I write about a different topic every day, and I usually only post during the week.
Jess Riley commented that if you write a page a day, then you'll have an entire book in a year. If you figure that the average page is 400 words long, then I've already written almost 41 pages. Another way to look at it - the average book (young adults and adults) is about 50,000 words long, which means I've already written 1/3rd of a book, or 32.5%.
I guess I'm trying to convince myself that this is really possible to finish. I know there are thousands of writers out there, and they all finished their books, but it's a bit different when you're looking at yourself wondering if you can actually write a book.
I started this blog on 7/2/07. In that time, I've written 33 posts. Those 33 posts, including titles, come to 16,275 words (I copied them into Word and made it count them for me). That averages out to about 493 words per post. I'm impressed and surprised. It may just be that easy to write a book! Granted, I write about a different topic every day, and I usually only post during the week.
Jess Riley commented that if you write a page a day, then you'll have an entire book in a year. If you figure that the average page is 400 words long, then I've already written almost 41 pages. Another way to look at it - the average book (young adults and adults) is about 50,000 words long, which means I've already written 1/3rd of a book, or 32.5%.
I guess I'm trying to convince myself that this is really possible to finish. I know there are thousands of writers out there, and they all finished their books, but it's a bit different when you're looking at yourself wondering if you can actually write a book.
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