Wednesday, August 29, 2007

The Sanctity of Marriage

On my way to work this morning, I heard a commercial by a Catholic marriage group that asked, "What have you done for your marriage today?" The commercial was pointing out that the little things you do for each other in the marriage count just as much if not more than the big things.

I fully agree. DTTF is my second husband. The first marriage ended for many reasons that I won't go into today, though some of those reasons were caused by those little things. With DTTF, I try to make sure he knows daily how much I appreciate him. It takes a conscious effort, but because our relationship is so important to me, it's definitely worth the time and effort.

I try to spice things up a bit by telling him in different ways how much I love and appreciate him, though some things are also routine. I ALWAYS kiss him goodbye in the morning, just in case that's the last time I see him (we'll go into my mortality and morbidity issues another time). I always try to remember to kiss him when I first see him in the evening, though there are days when we're both running so fast that we forget. As soon as we remember, we make sure to share that moment. Sometimes I just make him stop and I give him a huge hug. Sometimes I rub his feet. Sometimes I send him an email for no reason other than to tell him how wonderful he is.

He reciprocates the attention, so it's not just one-sided. He does little things for me to let me know how much he loves and appreciates me, as well. All the things listed above work for me, but he'll also suggest Mexican for dinner sometimes because he knows just how much I love El Mezcal, the local Mexican restaurant we frequent. Recently he's started occasionally taking care of Tree Faerie for an hour or so after her first nap on the weekends, during which time I get a nap. That is one of the greatest things he could do for me right now. He's not the type to buy flowers, but he gets me other things, like books, movies, music, shirts, video games, and other things that he knows I'll love.

By showing each other on a regular basis how we feel, we keep our relationship fresh and whole. We make sure to take time out to talk on a regular basis. We can tell if we've gone too long without sitting down and talking because our schedules will start to veer from each other. This is also his second marriage, so we're both trying to keep ourselves from repeating history. So far it's working beautifully. I love DTTF more than I thought was possible, and that love keeps growing more and more every day, even after 6 years. I'm looking forward to spending many, many more years with him by my side.


Switching gears... Tree Faerie slept last night, too, only waking at 3 and 5 before waking for good just before 7. There was no screaming. I did a bit of research yesterday after posting, and it is very possible that it is a form of separation anxiety, but it could also be night terrors. Treating it as separation anxiety, I'm combining several of the suggestions I read yesterday. One suggestion was to make sure to spend plenty of snuggle/cuddle/affection time together between picking her up from daycare and bedtime. Another suggestion was to help her develop an attachment to a snuggly, or to help her find comfort in other things.

Last night was DTTF's first night of classes, so it was just the two of us. We had dinner and nursing and playtime galore. Lots of snuggles, kisses, and giggles were shared. We had a bath then started our bedtime routine. Just as we got to the point of turning out lights, DTTF got home, so we stayed up a little longer to give them some play time. 20 minutes or so later, she was expressing her desire to go to bed. While I was nursing her down, we snuggled with a flannel receiving blanket, and when I put her in bed, the blanket went with her. She slept with it all night long.

I got the idea to use the receiving blanket because I send one with her to daycare every day that has my scent on it because she's breastfed. If they don't hold the blanket while feeding her, she just doesn't take her bottles well. When they lay her down for a nap, she snuggles that same blanket. When she's at home, we have several of these blankets in use for playing and snuggling and such, so I just used the one that was already in her bed. I usually keep it in the corner of the bed and cover her with it if it's chilly. She plays with it when she wakes up, and the night before last, she fidgeted and wiggled around until she was on the blanket.

The other great thing about using several different blankets is that I should ALWAYS be able to have one handy. I've got my fingers crossed that this works out, and hopefully it's not actually night terrors.


Matt said...

Little things make such a difference, don't they? I need to hug my wife.

Monnik said...

I agree that those little things are very important in a marriage. I also need to work on this. My husband does a nice job of letting me know that I'm appreciated, and I need to do the same for him more often.

I love the idea of the flannel receiving blanket. I wish I'd have thought of that while my babies were still nursing... I'll bet it gives Tree Faerie a great sense of security.

Andrea said...

we're on our 3rd successful night! I'm still crossing my fingers.