Friday, August 3, 2007

I'm a Peeping Tammy

I realized on the way to work this morning that I've been practicing a form of voyeurism daily for the past year and a half or so, only it's not sexual gratification but more of a social gratification. I've been looking through windows at people's lives without them knowing I was looking, at least until recently.

In my own defense, those windows were often left open on purpose so people could look in and see what was happening on the inside. If those windows had not been left open, I would not have stopped to look inside! Now I feel almost as though I'm addicted to this form of voyeurism. I look through several of these windows every day, just to see if anything changed.


I've been a lurker. I've been reading various different people's blogs daily without letting them know I was reading. These were not people I knew personally (except Random Faerie), but people I had come across through various means provided by the internet. They've opened the windows to their lives and their thoughts, and I gave in to the temptation and watched the goings-on inside.

It wasn't until I started a blog of my own that I started showing myself more. I feel almost shy about announcing my presence to some of these people because I've been watching them for so long and know so much about them, yet they barely knew of my existance if they even noticed at all. They don't know how much they helped me not feel so lonely during my pregnancy, or how much they helped me cope with the hormonal fluxuations, or how much they distracted me from my own self-pity when I'd feel at my lowest.

Now I'm starting to come out of my shell more. It helps having a place to expose my own inner-workings so that it becomes an exchange of secrets instead of a peepshow. I never even realized I felt a bit guilty for watching but not showing myself until I started coming out of my hiding place. I was afraid I would be shunned but instead I've been welcomed with open arms, which makes me appreciate those people even more.

To those of you I've recently 'exposed' myself to as being a Peeping Tammy, thanks for not calling the cops!

Just kidding!

Thanks for welcoming me out of the closet!

3 comments:

TTQ said...

:-)!

Swishy said...

You should have a "coming out of the closet" party! :)

Andrea said...

A friend of mine called it a "I Just Started A Blog" party, but suggested the same thing. :)