Seeking Motivation

I was not going to post about my attempt to lose weight, however I need a bit of motivation.  First, we’ll start with a bit of history.

 

For years, I was slim and strong, and at the time I was living in the country and had to help take care of a huge yard along with other projects.  I stayed fairly active and ate whatever was put before me.  After I moved to Memphis to be with DTTF, I gained 20 lbs. in 4 years.  Then I got married…

 

For multiple reasons, most of them surrounding my first marriage and my views on marriage, this sent me into depression.  I am an emotional eater.  Couple that with quitting smoking and I packed on the pounds.  I gained 30 lbs in 6 months. 

 

(If you have been doing the math, you should have come up with a weight-gain of 50 lbs in 4.5 years.)

 

This did not help my depression any.  Since we were getting ready to try to have a child, I knew I needed to be healthier and feel better about myself quickly.  I decided to try the Slim-Fast plan.  Surprisingly, it worked!  In 2 weeks, I had lost 12 lbs, and I was feeling great!  I kept losing 1-2 lbs a week, and then I got pregnant.

 

The lost weight suddenly – and I do mean suddenly – found its way back to me.  Of course, I stopped following the Slim-Fast plan because I thought one was not supposed to try to lose weight while pregnant.  Because the weight came back so quickly, I count my original weight as my pre-pregnancy weight.  During the pregnancy, I gained another 40 lbs.  I came home from the hospital after having Tree Faerie weighing the same as I did at the doctor’s office 3 days before due to “moderate” edema (or swelling). 

 

Within about 6 months, I was back down to my “adjusted” pre-pregnancy weight.  Since then, I’ve lost another 10, but I reached a plateau at that weight, which is still 40 lbs heavier than when DTTF and I got together.  Because Tree Faerie is starting to wean, I decided I needed to kick-start the weight loss.  I wanted to go about things sensibly, and I also knew that I needed to keep track of everything.  If I don’t keep track of everything, I can easily overdo certain things, like eating fudge from the kitchen at work (oh, I’ll just have a little bite on my way by – every single time I go by).  I have to play a numbers game to keep me on track.

 

Because of my results last time, and because of their awesome – and free – online tracking program, I decided to try my luck with the Slim-Fast Plan again.  I count my starting date as Monday, March 31, 2008, though I did my weigh-in on Friday.  I loved the weight the scale gave me on Friday, however when I weighed Tree Faerie the following day, somehow I’d gained 5 lbs.  I still kept my Friday weight as my starting weight, though.

 

Now I’m wondering if I should have re-weighed myself on Monday, because when I weighed myself this morning, there was no change in my weight from Friday to Friday.  Which I guess is a good thing because I didn’t gain weight, but it’s still not very motivating. The thing is that I feel great, and my clothes fit a bit looser (I wish I’d taken my measurements).  Yesterday was the first day I wasn’t hungry all day, so I’m starting to get used to eating better.  I have a plan, and I have control.  I’m eating practically all day long.  I need to work on fitting more exercise into my day.  In fact, fitting any intentional exercise would be nice. 

 

So, I’m not going to count this week as a win or loss.  I’m going to count it as a draw.  This was my “let’s see if I can do this” week.  I will continue on as planned.  I will try to make a bigger effort to be active (no rain would be nice so I could get outside), and we’ll see where that gets us by next week.  Oh, and I’ll also see what I can do about taking measurements.  I won’t beat myself up or quit over indulgences (such as the beer I plan to have tonight with a girlfriend), but will instead try to be more active to compensate for my transgressions.

 

Wish me luck!

=|=