Friday, November 2, 2007

To Be or Not to Be...

...pregnant, that is.

Before you ask, no, I'm not pregnant. I can hear a few sighs of relief from here, including my own. People keep asking me now that Tree Faerie is approaching 10 months if I plan on having anymore and if so, when.

My kid-free, rather eccentric friend has a hard time imagining us having another child because of all the 'stress' it would add. This particular friend is also an only child herself, and she's actually a good example of reasons to have more than one. I love my friend dearly, however she is rather spoiled and needs a lot of attention. I've met both of her parents, and they're wonderful people who loved their daughter with all their hearts and provided all they could for her (and still do).

I am not an only child. I'm the oldest of 5. My mom provided me with a half-brother, and my dad provided me with two half-sisters and one half-brother (who I haven't met yet, but he'll turn 7 in a few months). I grew up with my brother and only saw my sisters once or twice a year. My brother and I did not get along very well, but I still love him dearly.

My husband is not an only child, either. He has a wonderful younger sister who now has two boys, the newest of which was born on September 28th. When she was talking to DTTF about whether or not to have more, she told him that she definitely wanted another because of the relationship that she has with DTTF. She couldn't (or wouldn't want to) imagine life without him and wanted to provide her first son with the opportunity to have that sibling bond. When they were growing up, they may have fought and argued, but if anyone tried to pick on one of them, the other stepped in. I really admire their relationship.

I know I definitely want another one, but I don't want another one right now. I've done quite a bit of research on the subject - talking to people about their childhood experiences, their parenting experiences, and reading all I could get my hands on about childhood development and birth-spacing - and I think that if DTTF and I are going to try for another one, I'd like the child to be born when Tree Faerie is about 2 1/2. Otherwise, I'd prefer to wait until she's 4 or 5. I gave DTTF the heads up that about this time next year I will broach the subject of having another child. At first he panicked, which is why I brought it up now, and since then he's been doing little things to try and prepare.

Part of the reason I chose these time-frames is so that I don't miss any of Tree Faerie's milestones and hopefully can time it during one of the least-stressful growth periods. I know some stress is to be expected, but I'm hoping to make this as easy as possible.

Tree Faerie was planned, and well planned, I might add. We decided on a time frame for getting pregnant based on insurances and the like and saved up money to prepare for her arrival. Granted, there were a few things we didn't figure in, such as her contracting RSV when she was 2 months old or both of our ACs going out this summer, but we've made it and things are getting easier. We would like to plan for our next child even better.

So, until then, I will continue taking my little pink pill, and I'll continue to be careful when I forget to take my little pink pill. I know I'm very lucky that Tree Faerie came so easily to us, and I pray the next one is just as easy. If Tree Faerie is the only child I'm blessed with, though, I certainly will not be disappointed, for she is the perfect child for us.


Heather said...

My boys are two years apart, and that was a pretty good separation. They are actually two years and 3 days apart. We didn't try to get their birthdays that close, although it does work out with hand me downs. Whatever you decide will be the right decision for you!

April said...

You're so right! Mine are 28 months apart - I think it's perfect. Not too close, not too far. My brother and I are 5 1/2 years apart - not much of a relationship. Love him, but we're not pals. I was able to spend almost three years alone with my son before he headed to preschool and now I'm doing it with my daughter. I feel like I haven't missed out on anything! BUT, if it doesn't work out the way you "plan" - there's a reason.

KATE said...

My girls are almost 3 years apart. 2 years & 9 months actually. I thought that was fabulous. Savannah was potty trained while I was pregnant with Avery. Savannah was old enough to know what was up & we didn't have any jealosy issues with Avery's arrival. They are pretty good friends now. Savannah is almost 9 & Avery just turned 6. There is enough of a gap that there is no competition, but they are close enough to have fun together.
I think the 2 1/2 to 3 years apart is PERFECT!!

Andrea said...

Some say timing is everything, others say it doesn't matter as long as you build strong family bonds.

I forgot to mention... Because DTTF is 11 years my senior, I have to take his age into consideration. He's already going to be in his 50s when Tree Faerie graduates high school. If I space them out too far, he'll be ancient by the time we've got the last one off to college/out in the real world.

XYZinn said...

My kids are 19 1/2 months apart. That means Ryley was only 10 months old when I got pregnant. I was feeling baby hungry at the time, and I know it was right for us to have our second child. However, it was, and still is, hard with both of them. They are both so demanding still, which is the hard thing. IF we have a third child it will probably be about 3 years apart from our son.

Steph said...

I have 4 and I'm still not done! :) I agree on the spacing though, My middle two are only 18 months apart and it was hard, and I don't remember a lot of my younger one's first months...sad. 3 years is good I think. That's how many are between my first and second and my third and fourth and they get along swimmingly!
Thanks for commenting on my blog, I will have to visit you more often!

I know you can hear me... said...

Oh...child spacing - that's hard! I think, in the end, everything tends to work out and that a lot is dependent on the children's personality too.

Thanks for visiting me - your little one is adorable!!

Monnik said...

I think spacing is important - but only to a point. My oldest and middle child are three and a half years apart. I love that age difference (though I'll admit, my DD was a TERROR when her brother came along - she was one jealous 3 1/2 year old.) When we decided we wanted a third child, we thought another 3 year gap would be great. But things didn't work out that way, and because of a miscarriage and third trimester stillbirth, we didn't actually get our youngest until our oldest was almost 10 and our middle child was 6 1/2.

The age difference between our kids is difficult in planning activities that everyone loves, but it is what it is, and we have a nice family.

I guess what all my rambling means, is that planning is great, and if it works out - that's fabulous. But if things go differently than planned, it'll work out that way too. Families are cool that way - they blend and adapt as each new member arrives, provided that the parents give the love and support necessary. And clearly you and DTTF are providing that love in abundance.